A Lazyman’s Guide to Being a Good Housemate

So, you’re moving in with others for the first time? Be they strangers or friends, follow these tips and you’ll get on like a house on fire, with the minimum of effort.

Tip One: Don’t literally set the house on fire. If you took the sentence ‘get on like a house on fire’ to mean it’s time to break out the matches and impress your new housemates with a spot of light pyromania, you don’t need housemates, you need fellow inmates.

Tip Two: Be quiet! Don’t sing around the house, buy some headphones for your music and tiptoe past the rooms of anyone who may be hungover.

Tip Three: Cook. Cook an amazing meal in the first week you live together and everyone will love you. You also won’t have to cook again the whole time you’re there.

Tip Four: Steal wisely. When stealing your housemate’s food, don’t open anything new, don’t finish anything, and make sure you put the item back exactly where you found it. Also, don’t steal cheese, it’s just not cool.

Tip Five: Clean up only when others are around. If people see you clean up, they’ll like you. No-one cares who did the dishes in the night.

Of course, even with these tips, there are a number of complications that can arise. Your roommate may be a psycho; they may be the ones who eat all your food (without being stealthy, since they haven’t read this article); or, even worse, they may be the type who, Sherlock Holmes-style, notice every single detail and are quick to blame you when you have even the slightest degree of culpability.

Choosing a roommate is a subject devoted to a completely different sort of article. I recommend searching online for resources, as a number of people have written extensively on the subject. (A number of people recommend looking for roommates through friends of friends, or perhaps acquaintances that you know through an organization, club, group, or church.)

Once you have a roommate who you get along with and enjoy, turn to this guide as a practical way to start off (and maintain) a positive and long-lasting relationship with them.

Share this article:

Leave a Comment